August 1

Looking forward to August. The first week vegan was inspiring. Clothes fit better, nice to feel 'in control' with eating choices and quantity! This will be a busy month, hosting friend for a week, camping (by myself) with 3 kids!, trip to HAwaii!, visit to Colville, baby shower, birthday party, family pictures, best friend having a baby and moving to another state. Wow, my stomache actually just knotted up while I was writing that. I think healthy food choices are going to positively affect my overall well being and stress level. And the continual decrease in body weight will continue to increase my self confidence, happiness, motivation!

Goal for this month---get more sleep!!!!

Success feels great!

I've been really 'good' this week! 3 meals, vegan, no snacking and no after dinner eating. I read somewhere to use the phrase "The kitchen's closed!" after dinner. For me, it is a better way to say "No eating after 8". Just sounds more positive and firm as opposed to a rule.

I felt so bleh after my California trip and I know it had to do with the physical aspect of the junk I was eating and the ridiculous amounts...but it also had to do with the emotional aspect. I didn't feel good because I wasn't eating well and I continued to not eat well because I wasn't feeling good about my food choices.

It was weird to feel good visiting with friends and family but feel junky knowing I wasn't eating well. It felt like I was hiding something. Hence I do sometimes sneak food and it leads to such complex, opposing feelings.

Eh, anyway. No more. I weighed 188 this morning and the 'high' from a good weight loss is invigorating. I had a good eating day. I'm feeling good about what I am eating and the example I am setting for my kids (although I ate all of the hummus and they didn't touch it, at least they were exposed to it right).

Also, only a week in and I already ran into my first vegan 'conundrum'. I had dinner with a sweet couple who are vegatarians. They made cheese raviloi and I didn't feel the need to push the issue of no dairy. I'm still in my initial stages and although I'll eat the way I want at home or when I cook, I have no desire to push it on others. I might feel differently later. The first of many moments, I am sure.

Big weekend with two social events and the in-laws visiting. I really, really, really hope to stick to my guns and stay with three meals, no snacks this weekend. Would LOVE to wake up to 186 on Monday morning!!

165 I'm gonna getcha!

The Vegan...Day 1

Just to really make it count, last night I bought Peas and Thank you and Veganomicon (or some other oddly named title)...both vegan cook books. If I spend money on it, it must be true.

So far today I have eaten

-strawberry soy yogurt, frozen blueberries, Kashi granola (Go Lean Crunch)

-vegan bbq, black bean, pineapple, vegan cheese (not as terrible as I was expecting. honestly, I was scared to eat it!) pizza, peas and carrots

-sauteed broccoli and onions with pasta and red sauce (so classy 'red' sauce), edamame, cherries

It is now 9:15 and I have been thinking of delicious things I wish I could eat...but can't. I wasn't a super bitch today...but the kids did get on my nerves (hey, there were 5 of them ALL 3 and under) and I got a decent headache...again that was most likely the kids not the food.

And I was 192 today. I gained 2 pounds at home, which quite honestly is not that bad considering how out of control I felt I ate.

Goal for Saturday 189!

Do it!

Do it!

Do it!

Wow...why didn't I listen to that feeling!?!

So, my last post was Wednesday and since then I have gone berserk!

I just completely, 100%, no two ways about it fell back into the habit of being home. I was at home (my parents' home) and just got into the routine of eating absolutely whatever the h-e-double hockey sticks I wanted. Even sneaking food, like I was 13 again.

What was the deal? It started Thursday night...I had a drink, dinner and dessert at a restaurant with Kid. Told myself I'd be better the next day. A friend came over and wanted froyo. I'd be better the next day. Then I just snow balled into a chocolate, carb, peanut butter, diet coke (like 3 a day...seriously!), candy, cheese eating loon. Truly, a looney tune.

My grand finale was literally having a spoonful of peanut butter and chocolate chips for breakfast this morning. Ugh, it is so annoying to repeat the same exact bad habits every time. Every.Time.

The worst part is that I even know it when it is happening. I reach for something and think, "Do I really even want this?" A couple times the answer was yes. A couple times the answer was not really, but I might as well. And the worst was when the answer was, "Oh F it" and try to eat it as quick as possible (entire box of Dots for no reason Sunday night).

So embarrassing.

So the logical thing would be to be rational, realize a lot of people fall of the wagon, have faith in myself that tomorrow will be better. Eh, not gonna work this time.

As of this moment, this exact moment, 9:25 pm July 25th 2011...I, Big Sister, am a vegan. A no snacking, no eating after 8pm, no sweets eating, no peanut butter (or cashew or almond or sunflower!) eating, no soda drinking, mother loving vegan!

I might turn into a raging bitch, but come hell or high water I am going to concer this out of control eating pattern.

See you in the morning...be glad you are not here:)

My Turn!

'allo there, I'm the kid sister in this dynamic duo. I'm at a point of quite a few transitions in my life, and if I'm not careful, a lot of things can easily fall through the cracks as life starts to get busier and busier. This blog is mainly about accountability, and my late-is-better-than-never start is just one of many things that I need to stay on top of. I have another blog I write in about my travels (currently about three months and four trips behind) and a thesis that needs to be completed by December, which would be easy enough if I weren't starting a new job teaching first graders in Cairo in about three weeks. The job is exciting and with it comes a whole list of fun activities like planning for retirement and paying off my student loans and just generally learning to budget. I also need to budget my time, balancing date nights around Cairo with all the reading and writing I need to do to finish my degree.

Nobody ever asks you if you want to be an adult, one day they just start sending you bills.

So I'm part of the follow through to make sure that this transition goes as smoothly as possible. The next couple of years likely involve graduating with a Masters degree, moving back and forth from California to Cairo, maybe getting married, paying off debt, and traveling. I also want to get in shape (this summer has included quite a bit of Sweatin' to the Oldies with Richard Simmons - highly recommended) so the occasional fitness goal will make its way in here too. Like doing a breast cancer run around the pyramids in October? It's written down here now, all I need to do is the follow through!

Cairo is three weeks away at this point. I have some research and writing to do, some more weight to lose (I'd like to be in the 160s before I go back), and some new people to meet (first impressions AND a follow through!).

Let's do this.

That feeling...

I'm down 6.5 pounds so far this month...which is great. I've been really focusing on my eating choices and actaully saying no even when I feel like eating something. I was talking to a girlfriend the other day and I told her I feel like I have been eating like a pregnant mama for 3 years. I basically never say no to anything. Also, in the last 2 years when I get stresse, frustrated, upset with parenting twin toddlers I turn to the pantry. It is a junky habit and I haven't seemed to be able to squelch it.

Until recently. I've been really good...until, I'm not. I do that a lot. I'm really good at something, until I'm not. Hence this blog.

So I wanted to talk about that feeling. That feeling I get where I just have to eat something. It doesn't happen often, but here is how it goes down. I want to eat something yummy and usually not nutritious. Let's say chocolate. I talk myelf down to only having a yogurt with granola. That's healthy, right? Then about 10 minutes later I still want the chocolate, but I only eat some cheese and cracker. Then only a hanful of nuts. Then only a bowl of cereal. Then only a smoothie. Then finally because I am so fed up with not satifying my craving I break down and have the chocolate...then usually some more because I am so annoyed with myself for eating 6 mini-meals instead of just having at I wanted in the first place.

Well, today things were better. I was so hungry after a long day at Grama's. Not a lot of filling foods and a lot of treats:( K wanted pb&h and a yogurt). PB is my number one weakness and I wanted to make myself a sandwich in the worst way.

I tried to distract myself by putting the kids to bed but when I came downstairs I was still hungry (like a Very Hungry Caterpillar)...but I kept myself in check and ended up having water, edamame, strawberries and 2 cheese balls.

I was proud of mysef for not chowing the left over pb&h...or hummus and crackers...or yogurt....or popcorn...or icecream and chocolate bars (seriously, why are those even in the house? Ma and Pa need to lose a collective 100 pounds...why have the temptation around?).

It is powerful to realize the right to say no and that I am worth it. I am 190 today and can not wait to get into the 180's...then 170's...then 160's! It has been 4 years since I weighed 168 and I am READY to get my 160 on!

I am a Half Marathoner!

I did it!

Yippe!

Honestly, I loved it...besides the beast blister I felt starting at mile 3! I was solo today, which was pretty boring, so I totally was that annoying girl and asked a couple who had a great pace if I could run with them. They were awesome! I ran with them for 7.5 miles straight! 7.5 miles, I have NEVER run that far. I was so impressed with myself. After that mile 8 was all hills and I could not hang. I walked to the water station at 8. Ran/walked to water station at 10. Started to feel a little burnt out because I thought mile 11 was a l o n g way off (due to a sign that had a 12 crossed out with an 11 on it). But lo and behold, mile 11 was just before the last turn around and that totally motivated me to run to 12. I walked and got water and gel blocks (OMG-so good!), by now I was starving. I told myself I would run the last 1.1 miles and BE DONE! I was so excited. I ran/chatted (not chatted like I wasn't exhausted, just chatted like "Let's bond over the last .25 mile of this half marathon:) with a sweet lady named Katherine. Seeing the finish line is not really motivating for me. It actually makes me want to stop then and there. But I told myself I would run to the end.

I was overjoyed to cross that finish line. I was so stinking proud of my body. It is humbling to think of how fortunate I am and how capable I am when so many are not. It is a great blessing and priviledge and I am thrilled to have really gone out there and given my best today.

Deep thoughts from running my first half marathon:

~I can do anything without 3 children hanging on me

~My body is fabulous and I need to treat her better (ie:get to bed and eat food that does something for me)

~Running a half marathon is like drying your hair, once you start you have to finish

~I can not wait to run with McKenzie, I even got teary eyed daydreaming about running her first race with her and wearing a shirt that says, "This is my daughter's first half marathon--->" and running by her side the whole time. I would like to be a good enough runner by then to know how to pace myself, and her, to make her comfortable.

~I would love to complete a race (of any distance) with Eric, a group of friends, my mom, my dad and my kids

~Running is therapy. Period.

I totally get why runners love running. I truly felt great today and can not wait to run another half marathon!

First Half Marathon tomorrow!

I am running/walk...hoping to finish and be able to drive myself home, my first 1/2 marathon tomorrow. I haven't been training very extensively. The farthest I have EVER run was a 10k...2 years ago. Oops.

On good days I think, "Eh, its run/walking for 2 hours. I can do that." On bad days I think, "Ack, its 13.1 freaken miles...on foot!"

We'll see how tomorrow pans out. It is a little pathetic that my husband is out of town and I literally have to drive myself, do it and go home alone. Sort of sad for a first day out. But, it also makes me feel powerful, confident, capable. I can do this. I am strong on my own.

Fingers crossed the baby sitter gets here in time. Arranging childcare, without overstaying your welcome with your sweet friends, is tricky with 3 kids.

In other news, I've have a big shift in head space. I'm really into working out, heavy lifting, fast running. Challenging my body and using it what it was meant for aka not being a sedemtary lump. And let me quickly clarify, really into, I mean really into watching CrossFit videos online, googling Britney Spears abs ala 2004, reading up on vegan recips blogs.

I want to get there. But I am not there...yet.

I am starting to come out of the new baby, how do I manage life funk. Ev is 8 months, rocking solids, sleeping, happy! I feel like I can leave her and go get my workout on. Or run with her and not mess up naptime too much. It is a liberating feeling. And I feel like I was 'trapped' at home, eating, being lethargic for too long.

I am only 31..I still have time to rock a bangin' bod!

Looking forward to the future...well, maybe the future starting around noon tomorrow.

Wish me luck!

Here Goes

The Follow Through

While chatting with my kid sister the other day, we realized that I revel in potential. I love making lists, I heart setting goals, I can plan until the cows come home. But, follow through...actually crossing things of that list, doing what I intend? Not so much.

Insert THE Follow Through.

We'll make a blog, we said.

It will be a fun way to stay accountable.

Stay in touch across the miles (California to Cairo). We'll blog our way to our goals.

Who are we? The Follow Through Sisters. Big Sister and Kid Sister. Kid can change her name if she wants, I'll stick with Big (heck I'm 6'1" and dropping some weight so as to not be so 'big' is a goal of mine...one I plan to accomplish on The Follow Through.